Reflections or thoughts somehow manage to develop without any schedule or reason. They happen when we least expect them or they occur when we haven’t the energy nor the time to devote to them. I accept the reality and deal with it by maintaining a small notebook that is exclusively devoted to writing down notes relating to each specific reflection or thought. Very similar to a “shopping agenda” or list of items to buy.
It doesn’t necessarily make the shopping excursion any easier, but it may help with organization and productivity. Sometimes, it even makes the task of shopping otherwise enjoyable and fun! Now, if I could only find someplace where I could go shopping completely bare (naked, nude) then I would be as happy as the gentleman in the above picture!
Reflections on 2019:
After my father’s sudden death in November, 2018, I knew that it would be a futile effort to even attempt any resolutions for the upcoming year. My priority needed to be coping with my own grief as well as trying to assist my family – especially my mother – in facing their individual sadness.
Fortunately, I was able to help guide and steer my mother and brothers in managing their mourning process. Unfortunately, in doing so, I wasn’t able to cope with my own emotions. My delay in facing my personal issues was a mistake that I was finally able to recognize and begin to address in late August of this past year.
My spouse, Aaron, allowed me both the space and time to acknowledge my needs and to begin my recovery. I will always be grateful to him for both his patience and his understanding. He and my father were close and I appreciate the fact that this was a difficult time for him, also.
In reflection on my failure, I realize that my major focus in managing bereavement should have been on myself, first and foremost. Only in overcoming my own feelings would I be of significant benefit to anyone else in the grieving process. It was only during this past winter holiday season that I became aware that Aaron was offering assistance to my family in handling their grief that I had failed to recognize.
While composing this post did I once again face reality in that with the arrival of 2020, I had completed the first full year of my life without any physical connection with my father. That reality explained much about the turmoil I felt for all of 2019.
Reflections on Today:
I’ve written previously here on my friendship with Jay. The above image, although not a photo of us, I use the illustrate our meeting. We actually met on January 3, 2009, just weeks before the first inauguration of Mr. Barack Obama as president. Today marks the 11th anniversary of our friendship and our camaraderie!
Jay and I met at a bare Saturday afternoon cocktail social at a bar in downtown Washington, D.C. We had both arrived solo and conveniently shared a table and seats. We were both strangers to one another and through writing notes, we became comfortable acquaintances then fast friends. Our friendship remains strong, even to this very day!
Instead of repeating the story of the circumstances of our unusual meeting, I am providing the links below to the postings that were previously published here on ReNude Pride. You may read them by clicking on the title of each one.
A brief comment on the photo that both Jay and myself have designated as “our friendship commemoration.” The picture was selected by my spouse, Aaron, to indeed signify this date for the both of us. After reading the above links, the understanding of this occasion is obvious.
2 thoughts on “Reflections: The Year Behind and Today!”
Understand the impermanence and self grasping . You will getting better.